Vegan

I am happy to report that Anthony for the last two days has not been giving me a hard time going to school. He is happy as anything, and has been strong and believe me, I know he is trying. Even at therapy his therapist has said that he has a huge imagination, and is very well in touch with the real world. I was so excited he said that, and happy to know he is not sad at heart and is well. He said Nick is great for Ant, and I should continue to let him grow up. I will continue to take him there every other week. His father has started calling again. I know that Anthony does want to talk to him sometimes. I feel that in the future if Ant asks than I will hand him the phone. Mostly he doesn't want to be bothered. Its his own fathers fault. I mean really, you want to see your kid, get in the car and go pick him up. And if what I require is a cell phone number, just hand it over. I figure if my ex really wants to speak to Ant he can just call my cell. Never once has he.
I have started some hobbies. This for instance. And I am succeeding very well at eating vegan. It has been a week for me. I go to the gym every morning. I try to burn at least 600 calories. You would think after doing this for a week I would have lost a pound. Nope. The vegan thing is good for me. I am learning new ways to cook and I have to say, its fun. My dad is doing this with me, and it is nice to have something to talk about with him. Hes funny, how he is taking cooking advice from me, and wants me to take him to the supermarket. I love my parents very much. And it took a long time to really appreciate them. They are so good to Ant and my son loves them both with all his heart. Last night, I remembered watching a movie. I must have been at least 16. I went down stairs to the kitchen where my mother was..as usual. I told her the name of the movie, and she responded that it was "such a tear jerker". Last night, while watching t.v. with Nick, I could not remember the name of that movie. I called my mom, and reminded her of just that story. She remembered that exact incident. She remember the name of the movie. I could not believe how she remembered with just that little piece of information. I could only wish to be just as good of a parent as they where to me. If only I recognized that when I was young.

Worry

I have learned in my life that worrying does absolutely nothing. Why worry about things that have not happened? Why stress out about things you have not control over? Nick has taught me that in more than one ways. That doesn't always stop me though...He has tried to show me the other side of the negative and has kept me open minded in every aspect of my life. He once shared with me when I was expressing to him about my anxiety with Anthony's seizures that maybe he has them for a reason. To prevent him from something. Where I always see it as maybe the seizures prevent him from having a normal life. He expressed if he didn't have them maybe he would be able to drive, get into an accident. Or I would be so carefree with him. And that would run him in trouble. I worry about the fact that his father is such an ass. My ex called the other night, and told Ant if he wants to talk to him for Ant to call him. Well, that's a good thing. For us. I think my ex does more bad for him than good. Not only will he not pick up Ant, but a phone call is to much to ask for now. I worry Ant will be so resentful, he will be a monster when he grows up. I can't help it. But, I am learning to take it day by day. I worry that Nick will leave me. I worry that he will look at his life and see all he does for me and Ant and he will miss his own life. He takes every second of his life and puts it in ours. He lives and breathes for us. He was single up until he was 27. And he has a family now. Basically over night. I hope he knows how much we appreciate all he does for us. And how much I love him. He is on bad terms with his family because they have a hard time excepting me. He has chosen us, despite the fact that his mother and sisters are a loss for him in his life. I tend to be childish sometimes and very jealous. He always puts me first. Can I except his friends, though they have proven me wrong? I will soon find out. We have dinner plans with his friend soon. I am worried about it. I don't thing his friend will like me. I know Nick will stand by me. I am worried about a wedding that isn't even happening yet. Nick's sister may be getting engaged. Will we be invited? Will his ex girlfriend? Will we have to go?