Raising Anthony

Ok, I am 31. I have a 10 year old boy. Anthony. I am divorced. Married at 19, divorced at 28. This blog is not about my experiences growing up, and going through a divorce. It is about my experiences as a mommy. I think I have done a great job for the past 10years. Certain things are proving me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Ant is a great kid. Does great in school, has adjusted well to our recent move to NJ. Made nice friends, and is well liked to the teachers. He has joined clubs, after school programs, and plays nice with others. He absolutely loves, loves my fiance Nick. My fiance treats him like his son. Ant has suffered from seizures since he was 11 months old. He is on meds to control them and is going on 11 months seizure free. They tend to come on when he is stressed. And when he is anxious. I have a difficult time dealing with this. I have a hard time dealing with issues. Which makes spoiling my child rotten, a good excuse. Unless of course, Ant has taken total advantage and manipulates me to no end. And this is where I am left. Anthony is in therapy. He seems to be doing well. I try my best. Anthony is a little anxious. And for a while I did think that his anxiety was mostly the problem. His father is in and out of his life, and basically sucks. But is this really a good excuse for him not to except the answer "NO"??
So today is the first day! I am so excited. It started out like any other morning. Gave me a hard time going to school. Even though every afternoon he comes out as happy as a pig in shit! I kept my head together, and drove him. Before school I explained what was on the lunch menu. He gave me a hard time...even though he liked what was on menu. I told him, he was eating it. Tuff luck...After about an hour, I get the phone call. "Mommy, you forgot to pack me lunch". Ummmm...Anthony was "hysterical" crying like someone had a gun to his head. I as usual, got nervous. Told him I explained they were serving a lunch he enjoyed and to eat hot lunch. "No, no" he explained. And I pussied out gave in, ran home, bought his lunch to the school. It wasn't until then I realized the teachers felt bad for Ant. They asked me if I wanted them to call him to the office. I said "no", and explained this will not happen again...My theory is this was Anthony wanting his way. And going to extreme measures to assure it happens. I came home, freaked out, called anyone who would listen, made list's, read up on some online mom helpers, complained to Nick about what he knew all along. That Anthony has become a monster. With all my help! I guided him to this path. Helped him make him. And held his hand down this road to rottenville. Not realizing I had gotten love confused with enabling. I picked up Anthony from school. Looked in his back pack. His lunch was still in his lunchbox...Ugh!!! He had hot lunch!! We sat down and had a talk about our changes. First off, explained how much I loved him. How I want him to be successful. Told him it was my fault too, and expressed my concerns. I wrote down all the changes. Brace yourself....deep breath...Manners, we will have them. Calling gifts "junk" is not acceptable. Answering someones question is acceptable. Saying please and thank you. Yes, I did have to remind him of the definition of these words. Hello, and good-bys. And the "excuse me" after he realises himself is mandatory!!! He had to learn how to control his feelings. The constant whining, crying, and complaining is going to end. Thank the lord! He had to learn how to SPEAK!! I could not bare to hear an other whine. Deep down these things were making me into a person who was getting nervous because of his behavior. I was beginning to loose my grip. He had to change. I had to help him, for I bought him here. Cursing was an other thing Anthony thought he can do. He thought it was funny. And all my threats, because I never follow through, did not work. I hated my little boy turning into a truck driver. It was going to stop. He had to learn how to be a big boy. He had to learn that Nick was going to drive him to school. He never gets away with anything with Nick. Nick is firm. I explained this to Ant. I told him mommy had to learn too. He will make his bed in the morning, pick up after himself, make his own cereal, pick his towel up off the floor, and yes, yes, dry himself after he gets out of the shower. That's right...I still dry him. Its unbelievable. But true. I told him about his big boy parts..which he knew about, but that they are personal and private, and he needs his privacy. Just like me. Every night me and Ant would cuddle. I don't think this is so bad. But it is when it has begun to be the only way my child can fall a sleep. I told him that too was going to end. But explained that our talks are whats important, and I would love to talk to him. I do not have to go in the bed, and it does not have to take a certain amount of time. But it does not have to be in bed, for 5 minutes, and every night. I hope that he understands that this is not a punishment, but preparation for him to be a gentleman. A good man, and not fat, a slob, disrespectful..and frankly, a fuck. This blog is for me to basically prove to myself I can do this. That I have something to let my frustration out on. I know this is not going to be easy. Some mistakes in the process. Some anger, anxiety, pressure, depression, and laziness. I hope you can come with me on this journey and hopefully get some laughs out of the process of raising Anthony.