Wonderland..

Just thinking about my last blog. Well, to tell you the truth, I think about what most mom's do..and they work. And I'm sure a nice amount of friends are probably saying "GET A JOB". Especially you Danielle. LOL. I am lucky. I am lucky enough to have relationship with a man who excepts the fact that I am a stay at home mom to a 10 year old. But I wasn't always. I used to waitress, and do some reception work, also, clean other peoples toilets. I have made some sacrifices in my life to stay home as well. We all live in a 1 bedroom apt. In a building 45 miles away from all my girlfriends whom I have know most of my life. And me and Nick sleep on a pull out sofa. Granted, we will be moving soon enough and this particular sacrifice will allow us to invest in real estate. And yes, girls, I do vacation! And Ant is lucky to have most things he wants. Thanks to Pop-pop he has every game system know to man at every stop in his life, Uncle John's, Nonna's, and at his house and at home. Pop-pop does way to much for Anthony..But my life was not always this easy. I come from a horrible relationship with a man who I was terrified that my child would grow up to be just like. And gave Anthony a man who I have know from kindergarten. I was his first kiss, and he was my first love. He respects me and adores me. What I had to say the least was basically "shit".
I took Anthony sleigh riding and met this woman. I told her about Anthony's father briefly. She expressed that if he was that bad, would I have fallen in love with him? Well, I fell in love with him in high school. I betrayed my best girlfriend doing so. Would that mean all the things I have done so young be so easy to excuse? Would smoking, drinking, and god knows all the things I have done so young be so easy to dismiss? This is what I am trying to keep Anthony away from. I know he will not be perfect. But I can do my best to guide him in the right direction...
I also have to be honest. I have no interest! I know most my friends do. And even if they hate there jobs, they worked hard to get there. They went to school, studied, graduated and found great careers. I on the other hand was to busy hanging out, traveling, partying, and having fun. Got pregnant at 19 married and had a baby. I began to waitress and thought everyone was crazy to even consider having an "on the books" job. Little did I know. It was when Anthony was 5 and started attending school that I was worried. How on earth was I going to help with h.w. cook and have dinner and tuck him in when I was working 5 to midnight shifts? I stress to Anthony that good grades and school or even having a passion for something is so important. I can see the proud look on his face when he handed me the 95 test score on his Social Studies test. At least I'm doing that right!
Boy scouts went wonderful! Anthony quickly mingled and made friends. We are looking forward to our next meet. The only thing that upsets me is how they announced that this is a great thing for boys to do with there moms dads and grandparents...I don't know. Maybe because we are a divorced family, maybe they should leave that out or add in step-parents, or just say "loved ones". Nick said Anthony, who by the way was great this morning on the way to school, said to him in the car that he is excited about doing things for the boy scouts with his dad. What a disappointment. Nick explained that he would like to do these things with him and if his dad won't he will be more than happy to. I am sure Nick is tired of being a bandage for my ex. He does a great job with Anthony, he should be recognized! My decision to have a child with a scum bag effects Anthony almost every day. I hope he understands how sorry I am. And how I tried to give him a better life.